thoughts on birth control | part 1
Alyssa Herrera-Set
Hey Nadia.
Nadia Herrera-Set
Hello!
Alyssa Herrera-Set
So I have a topic that I want to bring up, but I think this may be a long conversation. So maybe we'll break it up into a couple different episodes. But it's an important one, and it's one that could bring up some uncomfortable moments. Are you ready?
Nadia Herrera-Set
Mm-hmm.
Nadia Herrera-Set
Okay.
Nadia Herrera-Set
I guess so, yes.
Alyssa Herrera-Set
Birth control.
Nadia Herrera-Set
Mm-hmm.
Alyssa Herrera-Set
Are you ready to talk about birth control with me?
Nadia Herrera-Set
Guess.
Alyssa Herrera-Set
Okay. The topic was inspired. This is where I want to start. The topic was inspired by another parent friend of mine, who is the father of a son. And he has a very easy, comfortable relationship with his son where they can speak openly about a lot of things, including birth control and I think sex life in general.
Nadia Herrera-Set
Mm-hmm.
Nadia Herrera-Set
Mm-hmm.
Nadia Herrera-Set
Uh...
Alyssa Herrera-Set
Um, and this, um, father was expressing concern because his son is, um, has a girlfriend, they're sexually active, um, they're having penetrative intercourse, and, um, they, the son is responsible for the birth control because the daughter, um...
Nadia Herrera-Set
Mm-hmm.
Nadia Herrera-Set
Mm-hmm.
You mean his girlfriend.
Alyssa Herrera-Set
Yeah, sorry. That would be sketchy. The son is responsible for the birth control because the son's girlfriend is not able to speak about her sex life and the need for birth control pills with her parents. And I know that you and I have had a previous conversation about just like the facts, like the n control. And I think there's a whole range of how much a parent might speak to their child about sex in general. And this friend of mine, the dad, he feels like the parents should be the number one person that the child should be able to talk to about all their questions related to sex.
Nadia Herrera-Set
Mm-hmm.
Nadia Herrera-Set
Mm-hmm.
Nadia Herrera-Set
Right.
Alyssa Herrera-Set
And I just kind of felt differently about it. I felt like I want you, I want my children to be able to talk to me when something is needed, but I don't really feel like I'm, I don't need to be the number one source of information regarding sex education and birth control. I'm wondering what you think about that.
Nadia Herrera-Set
Yeah.
Nadia Herrera-Set
Mm-hmm.
Nadia Herrera-Set
Mm-hmm.
Nadia Herrera-Set
Um, well, I guess like we have I guess I would call it like a kind like we're we have an open relationship I can I feel like I can talk to you about a lot of things but Topics like that are a little bit more I don't know. It's hard to bring up I don't know. I feel like It's just an awkward conversation that you don't always want to have with your parents I think like thinking about right now. Maybe it's like a difference between like
Alyssa Herrera-Set
Why is it hard to bring up?
Nadia Herrera-Set
girls and boys, like, and sex in general. Um, I don't know. I feel like it's more normalized for guys to just be having sex and girl, like, I don't know. Even though that's not usually, like, the case for everyone. Um, yeah.
Alyssa Herrera-Set
like it's more accepted that like it's like less maybe it's easy to talk about boys having sex males having sex because it's more like socially acceptable like it's like less shameful or something like that.
Nadia Herrera-Set
Right.
Nadia Herrera-Set
Yeah.
Nadia Herrera-Set
It almost feels like... wait, how old are they?
Alyssa Herrera-Set
um late teens and um and to clarify this um father feels comfortable speaking to his daughters about their sex life also and the mother also feels comfortable speaking to both her um sons and her daughters about it too they have actively chosen to be sex positive um yeah so i guess if we
Nadia Herrera-Set
Yeah.
Nadia Herrera-Set
Hmm.
Nadia Herrera-Set
Right.
Alyssa Herrera-Set
Is that the ideal? Do you feel a sense of loss because we don't have dinner conversations about, I don't know, the details?
Nadia Herrera-Set
I feel like...
Nadia Herrera-Set
Um, I feel like it really depends on like the way that you grow up because like if they're old, if you're really used to being really open, of course you would always lean to your parents to ask questions like this. But I also feel like although we do have an open relationship for some, for most things, like I can talk to like my friends about this, like my peers, and I feel like that's equally
helpful and can give you the same amount of support in certain circumstances. But yeah.
Alyssa Herrera-Set
Where else do you guys, where else do young women your age go to for information about all things related to sex? Like...
Nadia Herrera-Set
I would say friends or social media. I feel like a lot of my friends don't talk to their parents about this stuff. Not like whether or not there's something to talk about. It's an awkward conversation that is easier to just avoid. And I don't know. I'm not really sure if they're like...
I'm not really sure if there are ways to get around not asking for your parents for birth control, but I feel like people would choose to go that way instead of having to ask. And a lot of times, like girls when they're younger will go on birth control for like different reasons, like acne, and now it's kind of like, oh, like it's okay. Like I'm glad I'm on it now because now I don't have to ask when I actually need it. You know what I mean?
Alyssa Herrera-Set
Mm-hmm. Yeah.
Nadia Herrera-Set
But, you know, it's different for everybody.
Alyssa Herrera-Set
I remember we had a conversation when you were in high school. You asking for birth control pills because it seemed like a standard. Everybody was on it for multiple reasons, whether it was to control their flow or for
Nadia Herrera-Set
Mm.
Nadia Herrera-Set
Mm-hmm.
Alyssa Herrera-Set
to their period, you felt like it was pretty standard.
Nadia Herrera-Set
Right.
Nadia Herrera-Set
I feel like at the time, yes, and it still is now. A lot of my friends are on birth control and I do have the birth control pills but I never started taking them because I didn't need it and because of like the circumstances of when I was gonna first take it was like a year ago, like literally a year ago and I was in Greece and I was really sick. So it like didn't seem like the right time. And then now like
I haven't started taking it later because I didn't need it and I just... I don't know. I feel like while the pill is like super standard, there are other options that are just like a little bit less. Like I don't want to have to remember to take it every day, you know?
Alyssa Herrera-Set
Mm-hmm. Do your friends, is there any concern about taking a daily medication that's hormone related? Like, is anybody worried about side effects or anything like that?
Nadia Herrera-Set
Um, for the people that are just, I've been taking it. I feel like, no, it's just normalized. Now they've been taking it for at least a few months. So their body's gotten used to it. I do have a friend that stopped taking it because it, it helped with like the period part, cause that's why she first started taking it and then all the other symptoms like.
her heightened and increased and she didn't really realize until after she stopped taking it. So, I don't know, there's definitely a right and wrong choice for everybody, but you kind of have to just try it out.
Alyssa Herrera-Set
Is there a feeling about regarding using birth control pills for the purpose of preventing pregnancy? Do you feel like between male and female partners that someone is more responsible for making sure that birth control is in place?
Nadia Herrera-Set
Mm.
Nadia Herrera-Set
Mm-hmm.
Nadia Herrera-Set
I feel like for like condoms and stuff for that, I mean in the situation you were talking about before, I feel like if you're dating a guy like they should buy it, I don't know, that feels like their responsibility if the girl wants to buy birth control or take birth control that's on them but um I don't know. It can't be all on one person.
So I understand kind of wanting like the girlfriend to talk to their parents or her parents. Um, but in college, I feel like I've just heard, I don't know. It really depends on the person and whether or not they're in a relationship or not. Um, because I feel like when you're in a relationship, it's easier to talk to some about that kind of stuff. But yeah. But if you're not in a relationship.
Alyssa Herrera-Set
Like your partner, you mean?
Nadia Herrera-Set
like a relationship with a person then comes a question like I mean in many instances just like talking with friends and stuff it's like they the guy ends up not wanting to use birth control so if you're if the girl is on birth control then I at least you have that but like I feel like yeah which is like
Alyssa Herrera-Set
So that does happen. Like a guy will be like, I don't want to use a condom.
Nadia Herrera-Set
Honestly, disrespectful, like...
Alyssa Herrera-Set
What do they propose? What do they propose is the option of not using the condom? Is it, I don't want to use a condom so we're not going to have sex? Or I don't want to use a condom so-
Nadia Herrera-Set
No, it's like, yeah, so like, I don't really...
I mean, I'm not a guy, but like, I just don't understand why you wouldn't want to use it. It doesn't really, I don't know, especially if you're not in a relationship with that person because that just can lead to a lot of other things on both sides. So I don't know. Yeah.
Alyssa Herrera-Set
disease and pregnancy.
Nadia Herrera-Set
And also like you're making the other person uncomfortable like if they wanted to use it, but you know, it's just, I feel like it should be a standard.
Alyssa Herrera-Set
So no, I want to dig into this more. They don't want, they just want to refuse to use a condom. So what is their proposal? Like, let's just not have intercourse, or let's pull out, or let's just give it a shot. Where are you on your cycle? Like, what are their options?
Nadia Herrera-Set
I feel like...
Nadia Herrera-Set
Uh, I feel like guys in college know nothing about period cycles, so that's just out of the question. Like they wouldn't even, I don't think they really under, they wouldn't understand, even if you explained it to them, like what that means. But, and even I don't really understand it. Like I don't, I don't know. Whatever. Like it just, it's a, I know it's a cycle, but I know, I don't know the specific parts of it. But I think it's both.
which is just interesting, the way that they think about things. Because they're not affected by the- if you get pregnant, or if you're scared that you're pregnant, like that's not really on them. So.
Alyssa Herrera-Set
It's really interesting. I can't imagine.
Alyssa Herrera-Set
What would the, how do you think it would be received if a guy and a girl were hooking up?
Nadia Herrera-Set
Mm-hmm.
Alyssa Herrera-Set
they're not in a relationship and then the guy doesn't have a condom but the girl does. She happened to bring it with her to a party just in case. Do you think they'd be like, what? Do you just always have this on you or?
Nadia Herrera-Set
Uh-huh.
Nadia Herrera-Set
I mean, it really depends. I don't know. It really depends on the person. I feel like in the best case scenario, you're gonna like as a guy and the girl has the condom and you don't like you should take that as like, oh, thank goodness. Like, you know, but it depends on the person.
Alyssa Herrera-Set
Yeah.
I am still like shook from that thought that I would just refuse. That is really interesting. Real quick before we go. I'll go ahead.
Nadia Herrera-Set
I honestly... right? I honestly think like... no I just think it's like whether or not you like respect girls it's just really interesting the way that they think about it but yeah what were you gonna say?
Alyssa Herrera-Set
I had this conversation with a bunch of people that are on my age this weekend. It was whether or not there exists consent apps, like are those actually being used? One of the parents I was talking about was saying that her child and somebody that she met that night, they both recorded themselves saying, like, this is my name, I consent to this.
Nadia Herrera-Set
Mm-hmm.
Nadia Herrera-Set
Uh oh.
Alyssa Herrera-Set
Like, does that actually happen or is that like one-off situations?
Nadia Herrera-Set
Uhhh...
I would say that's like one-off situations. I don't really hear about that happening. I mean, hopefully like consent is given on both sides, but in certain circumstances, it's not really like, that's not what people like, people's first response is, is to like, let's take a video of this, of us like consenting, you know?
Alyssa Herrera-Set
Right. And another parent brought up, like, OK, so maybe they consented at that moment, but then maybe it went to a place where they didn't consent anymore. Like, now you have this video that says that you consented to something, but not maybe whatever that person was hoping it would lead towards.
Nadia Herrera-Set
Right.
Nadia Herrera-Set
Right, right. So it's definitely like hard situation, you kind of just have to hope that the person like you're with is like, going to respect your boundaries and stuff, which is not always the case, unfortunately.
Alyssa Herrera-Set
Mm-hmm.
Nadia Herrera-Set
I don't know.
Alyssa Herrera-Set
All right. I think we covered a lot in just like 20 minutes and I'm left with other questions, but maybe we'll do it in another episode. I'm thinking since you, hmm?
Nadia Herrera-Set
We can do a part two. I said we can do a part two.
Alyssa Herrera-Set
Mm-hmm. I'm thinking since like the one thing that you were not aware of was the cycle Maybe we should bring somebody in to like explain that
Nadia Herrera-Set
Mm-hmm.
Nadia Herrera-Set
Yeah, probably. It's pretty important.
Alyssa Herrera-Set
Mm.
Alyssa Herrera-Set
I mean, it's good to know. It's kind of like a hard, hard method to follow as far as preventing pregnancy.
Nadia Herrera-Set
Mm-hmm. Yeah. Yeah, I feel like it's more used for when you want to get pregnant, but...
Alyssa Herrera-Set
Yeah, yeah. All right, nice talking to you.
Nadia Herrera-Set
Okay. Nice talking to you too. Goodbye. Okay.
Alyssa Herrera-Set
Okay, done with the awkward conversation.
Bye.
